FMA Gone Wild
by StupidMajor
Summary: short stories about fma when they do something funny, stupid, or romantic
1. A Day In Class

**A Day In Class**

**_Roy, Riza, Havoc, and Fury are in elementary school and its show and tell._**

**_What did everyone bring?_**

* * *

"Settle down now class." A young lady, around thirty, came walking into the room. "Now class. You all know today is show and tell. But first, can anyone tell me why were doing this?" Her answer were groans form the students.

"Come on Mrs. Fudge! Can we please just so our stuff?"

'Do I have a choice?' Mrs. Fudge thought and sighed. "Alright. Now who wants to go first?" Five hands went into the air. Mrs. Fudge took her finger and pointed to someone in the front.

"How about you Fury, and what do you have with you today?"

"I have my dog, pudding." Fury said, getting up and walking to the front of the class.

"Now why did you bring Pudding.."

"Mrs. Fudge please report to the office. Mrs. Fudge to the office." The announcement rang through the school. She sighed and went out of the class to the office. The class was silent.

"Hey Riza, do you want to see my cool gloves?" Roy asked, breaking the silence.

"No I don't want to see your stupid gloves. Why did you bring them anyway?"

But.."

"No!" She yelled. Roy sighed. 'How can I get her to like me?' He thought. On the other hand, Riza sighed and grabbed something out of her desk. "Hey Havoc."

"What?" He asked, not looking up from the magazine he was looking at.

"Look up." Riza replied, aiming a now exposed water gun at his head.

"Now why should I look up?"

"Please."

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

While this whole thing was going on, Fury was still standing in front of the class with Pudding. 'Why me?' He thought. All off a sudden, laughter filled the room.

There, in the middle of the room, Havoc was getting squirted by Riza, who somehow had managed him to look up. He was soaked to the bone, and now was his magazine.

"Look what you done Riza! You ruined my magazine!" He yelled.

"Sorry. Hey what were you looking at anyways?" She asked, trying to grab the magazine from his grasp.

"Nothing." His reflexes weren't as fast as Riza so she managed to grasp it with ease. She started looking through her pages when her eyes went wide.

"What is it Riza?" Roy asked trying to get a look at what shocked her. "Riza what's…." Before he could finish, a loud slap was hear in the room.

"PERVERT!" Everyone looked and Riza, and then looked at Havoc. He had a huge slap mark on his face and was down on the ground unconscious.

"WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT PORNO MAGAZINES?" Riza yelled so loud, it could probably wake the dead. All of a sudden, the whole class burst into laughter. Fury was now and the floor rolling around laughing. Roy had to lean on his desk, stopping himself from falling over. There fun was short lived.

"Come on class settle down! Riza, why is Havoc on the ground?" Mrs. Fudge asked.

"I don't know." She said while trying not to laugh. A few minutes later, Havoc woke up and class was resumed.

Later that day…..

"Hey Riza, wait up!" Roy yelled. Riza sighed and stopped. It was the end of the day and Riza just wanted to go home. "What is it Roy?"

"Did you like my cool gloves?"

"Ya, they were ok."

"Cool. He I was just wondering," He said, slipping and arm around her waist. "Would you go out with me?" Roy had no chance.

"There is no way in hell I would go out with you!" Riza yelled and punched him in the face. She stormed of, punching anyone that got in her way.

"Well, at least I tried." Roy said, and blacked out because of the punch.

THE END! (or is it?)

"Ooo sexy girls"

"PERVERT!"

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**lol did you like? review please. OH! theres more to come!**


	2. How Ed Got His Mouth

**How Ed Got His Mouth**

**_Were Edward learned many bad words_**

* * *

"Dammit, dammit, dammit..."

Trisha Elric paused in the middle of cleaning the living room to stare in fascinated horror at her oldest child, who had apparently very recently acquired an addition in his ever-growing vocabulary and was trying it out while playing with his blocks.

"Dammit, dammit, dammit..."

She'd never heard a child swear so easily before.

"Dammit, dammit, dammit..."

"Edward Elric, stop saying that!"

Startled, Trisha's eldest stopped what he was doing, the block he'd held had falling from his tiny fist as he looked up. "...Ed say somethin' w'ong?" he asked in a small voice, large eyes fixing on his mother as a small thumb crept up to his mouth.

Trisha sighed, crouching down next to her son. "Yes, Ed. Those are bad words, and you shouldn't say them."

A tiny head nodded, gold eyes solemn. "Ed sorry."

"It's okay, sweetie." She said and sighed, but smiled. "Now, can you tell Mommy where you learned that word? It's very important."

"Daddy said it when th' big book fell on him."

"He did, huh?" she responded thoughtfully, frowning. "While you were in the room?"

"Ah-huh!" Figuring he wasn't in as much trouble as his father, the toddler continued, picking up his block and settling back to building his castle. "An' he says 'shit' when Al is 'tinky."

Trisha groaned, cursing slightingly to herself. "Don't say that word either, Ed, okay? And I think Mommy needs to have a talk with Daddy when he gets home."

Ed grinned mischievously, finishing his castle. "Daddy trouble?"

Trisha nodded, chuckling. "Yes, hon. Daddy's in trouble."

"That funny." Abandoning the now-completed castle, Ed toddled over to the nearby blanket where his baby brother was lying, chewing on a rag bunny. "Play with Alphon' now?"

"All right, but be careful! Alphonse isn't quite up to crawling around yet." Smiling at her son, she started to clean up the blocks.

"'Kay. I read to Alphon'." And off he went to get a storybook from the bottom shelf of the bookcase, hurrying back so he could 'read' a story to his brother.

That evening, little Edward giggled as he listened to his mother lecture his father on 'proper language' around the children. It was funny to watch.

Ed had been given the _very_ important job of sitting on the couch holding his brother, soft-fuzzed head supported by Ed's right arm and the arm of the couch. Ed had to be very careful holding his brother, so he sat extra still and watched as his sibling chewed on his rabbit some more. This also meant he had a front-row seat to his father's dressing-down, which made him giggle more.

It didn't take long for his mother to run out of steam, though, after his father started making the 'kissy face' at her, opting for distracting his wife instead of calming her down. "Eew!" Ed called, making a face and hiding his brother's eyes with his left hand, making Al squeal in delight. "You both gross!"

The boy was surprised when his father laughed, and his mother started to blush and say something about dinner. Ed sat perfectly still as his father walked over, making sure Al was safe and comfortable. "Now, I hear you're the one who tattled on me saying the bad words, right, Edward?" he asked, mouth curled in a smile under the beard.

Tattling was a bad thing, so Ed made a sad face before nodding. "Ah-huh. Mommy wanted to know where I learnded them, and I no lie, so I told her."

"You're right, you shouldn't lie. But let's make a deal, man to man."

"Deal?"

Hohenheim grinned at his son, leaning over and whispering in a conspiring tone. "You don't tell Mommy when I say the bad words, and I'll let you say them when Mommy's not around."

Ed thought seriously for a moment, allowing his father to take Al out of his arms as he considered. They _were_ fun to say. "...'kay. You teach me new ones?"

His father laughed. "Of course. And you can teach Al when he can talk."

Ed liked teaching his brother things. "'kay."

"Now c'mon. I don't know about you, but I'm hungry."

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**wow another one! lol please review! plus i want to also give thanks to my friends who are alsohelping me withthese stories (thank you!) more to come!**


	3. A Dinner Party Gone 'Kitty'

**A Dinner Party Gone 'Kitty'**

**_The group is at a dinner party. But what is Al's strange_**

**_kitty obsession got to do with it?_**

****

* * *

"Aww come on Riza, please!" Roy, being stupid as he is, kept trying to get Riza to go out with him, but she never wanted to.

"No."

"Please!"

"No!"

"Please!"

"Roy just shut up!" Ed yelled and hit Roy on the head.

"Why don't you shut up shrimp!"

"Don't call me a shrimp!"

"Shrimp."

"Idiot!"

"Pipsqueak!"

"Pervert!"

"..." Roy just stood there shocked.

"Roy. Roy?" All of a sudden Roy lunged at Ed. Fists flew and kicks landed one after another.

"Boys! BOYS!" They stopped fighting. Roy's fist was in the air about to hit Ed, who was on the ground. They both looked up to find a very angry Riza. "Will you boys stop it so we can go to the dinner party?"

"Yes sir." They both said in union.

---------------------------------------

later that evening...

"Brother you made it!" Al said, setting the last of the drinks on the table.

"Hey Al!"

Brother, guess who's here."

"Who?" Ed asked. He then walked over to the table, grabbed a drink and took a sip.

"Father!" Ed spit our his drink and hit Al on the head. "Brother, why did you hit me?"

"Why the hell did you have to invite that bastard?"

"But brother! He's our dad! He should be here!"

"Damn you Al! You know I hate him!" Ed was about to kill Al when Hohenheim walked outside.

"Thanks for inviting me Al. I just had to come and congratulate my son."

"Congratulate me on what?" Ed asked and set his glass on the table.

"For getting married of course! What's her name again? Oh ya! I just had to congratulate you and Winry!"

"AL!"

"Y..yes brother?" Al popped out of the kitchen. He had somehow managed to slip out of the conversation without getting noticed.

"WHY DID YOU TELL HIM THAT ME AND WINRY GOT MARRIED?"

"I..I had to brother. It was the only thing I could think of to get him to come!" Al said, who was scared at the now fuming Ed.

"What are you talking about?" Hohenheim asked.

"ME AND WINRY ARE NOT MARRIED!"

"Wow. I thought you were by what Al told me. It doesn't matter, you two make a cute couple." Winry, who had witnessed the whole thing, blushed. Ed, on the other hand, fell down anime style.

"Thank you Mr. Elric, but me and Ed aren't going out, we're just friends." Winry said, recovering first.

"Oh ok! Well if you'll excuse me, the turkey is almost done." He said and walked into the house.

"I'm glad that's over." Riza said, walking out of the house with Roy.

"Her love birds!" He said, swaying were he stood.

"Is he drunk?"

"Hey! I swear to drunk I'm not god!" Riza sighed.

"Ya. He just had like six martini's." Ed was about to say something when a weird noise was heard from inside the house.

"What was that?" Ed asked and looked inside the house, but saw nothing.

"Meow! Meow!"

"There it is again! Just closer!" All of a sudden, eight objects came flying out of the house.

Winry screamed and dropped her plate she had just picked up. Riza reached into her purse and grabbed her gun. Ed just stood there wide-eyed. Roy was staring at Riza, unaware of what was going on. 'Damn she's hott when she has a gun.'

"What the hell is going on here?" Hohenheim yelled. There, on the back porch, were eight cats that were 'attacking' the group. Al, upon hearing the scream, ran to the back porch. He had, what else, seven cats perched on his head.

"Oops sorry brother!"

"AL! WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU! DON'T KEEP ANY CATS THAT YOU FIND!"

"Sorry brother, but they were just to cute!"

"AL!"

"Y..yes?"

"You better run, 'cause your dead!" Ed yelled and started to chase him.

"So Riza. You wanna have some fun?" Roy asked and winked.

"PERVERT!" Riza yelled and knocked him in the head with her gun. Roy was now on the ground swirly-eyed.

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**it was the attack of the kitties! lol..please review!**


	4. I'm Sorry

**I'm Sorry**

**_Ed says sorry_**

* * *

Edstood on the edge of the hotel roof, looking down at the bright lights ofCentralspread out all around him. It never failed to make him feel small, and insignificant. Like riding a rollercoaster, without the movement. He looked down at the piece of impersonal white paper in his hand. On it, he had poured out all his thoughts and feelings, but when it came to giving them to her, he couldn't. So now, he was stood on the highest place he could find, trying to clear his head, and stop all the conflicting feelings rushing through his mind. 

'_I'm sorry, Winry.  
_

_I try so hard not to let it get to me, but it does._

_I've made so many mistakes in my life._

_Some weren't my fault, but most of them were._

_I pushed you away, when all I wanted to do was hold you close._

_I said no, when what I really meant was yes._

_I hid away, when I wanted to tell you everything.  
_

_I couldn't handle my feelings for you, with all everything else._

_I felt so much for you I couldn't cope._

_You saw, you understood, and still, I didn't let you in._

_And now, when at last I'm ready, you're gone._

_I'm too late.  
_

_You waited so long for me,three endless years._

_There were so many moments when I could have stopped it_

_When I cupped your cheek_

_When I smiled_

_When I let you sit beside me_

_When I listened to you cry_

_When I told you you were beautiful_

_When I held your arm to cross the street_

_When I found you at that overpass_

_When I heard you had someone else_

_When I spoke so cold and harsh_

_When I said I had you_

_When I said I need you_

_When I almost said I want you_

_When I told you no  
_

_But I was stupid._

_I let you get away._

_And now, I've lost you.  
_

_I'm sorry._

_I'm so sorry Winry._

_I love you. I know I love you._

_And I'm sorry._

_I'm sorry for making you hurt so much._

_That was my fault._

_That was a mistake I will never forget._

_I'm sorry.'  
_

The words were so black against the white paper. It made the whole world seem black and white, instead of the dull shades of grey that, in truth, he knew it to be. In a second, he knew exactly what to do. It was a thought with such clarity as he had never had before.

With swift, practiced fingers, he rolled the paper into a ball and threw it as far as he could. The wind caught it, and, for a fleeting second, it danced. Then, as all things thrown upwards, it fell to the ground.

Edstepped back off the edge and left the building as fast as he could.

He got a train ticket and went to Resembol, a three day ride. This was enough time for him to think, enough time to gather the courage he needed.

* * *

Ed stood there as time passed. He had made it to Resembol and was now standing infront of Winry's house. He didn't move and inch. His heart was beating twice as fast. His fists were in tight balls at his side. 'What will Winry think? Will she forgive me?' His mind raced at the speed of light. 

With a swift movement, he walked to the door and knocked. No one answered. Not a sound was heard from inside. Ed sighed. He was about to turn around when someone unlocked the front door. He tensed. The door opened and a women looked out.

"Ed? Ed!" The women cryed and latched onto him. He felt his shirt getting soaked by tears. As of reflex, his arms tightned around the figure.

"I'm sorry Winry. I'm so sorry."

"Oh Ed! I forgive you!" She looked up with tear filled eyes. She smiled.

Ed pulled Winry towards him, kissed her gently and pulled away. "I love you." He said.

Winry stared at him wide eyed. She had waited years for him to say that to her, and now, he was telling her that he loved her.Winry felt like she was going to faint any second. But she didn't. Instead, she smiled at him. "I love you too." She said, before the two shared another kiss.

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**please review!**

**-StupidMajor**


	5. Got Milk?

**Got Milk**

**_No wonder Ed was made fun of_**

**_

* * *

_**

"Places everyone! Places! Ed get your butt over here!" The director yelled. Ed, who was standing there eating a donut, ran over to the director. "Now Ed, the only thing you have to do is stand there."

"Ya, ya I know," He said and went to the place he was told to stand.

"Lights, camera, action!" When 'action' was called, a young man came walking in on the scene. He stopped beside Ed and put an arm on Ed's head. (a/n. god i hate rhyming)

"Edward _was _going to appear in this picture, but he didn't drink enough milk and is now too short to appear anywere," The man said and held up a glass. "Got Milk?"

"And cut! That was briliant! Print that will ya Scott. Now Ed, what do you think?" Ed stood there with his head facing down. "Ed, Ed?" Ed lifted up his head and looked at the director. His eyes were flaming and there was smoke coming out of his ears.

"DON'T CALL ME SHORT! I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE DO THAT..."

**two hours later...**

"DAMN IT I HATE MILK. I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT! DAMN MILK WHY DID YOU CURE ME LIKE THAT..." He stopped. He looked around the room to notice no one there. He walked towards the exit, but not before crushing the tape that had the comercial on it.

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**the end! was it good, bad, ugly? please review! oh! i will not update until you ppl review!**


	6. The Friendship Test

**The Friendship Test**

_**Hughes talks to Roy about a friendship test

* * *

**_

_**Ring Ring Ring Ring**_

"Two Kings"

"_Hey Roy."_

"Hey man."

"_How's it going?"_

Roy sighed, "Good."

"_What, what you doing?" _

"Oh god this is.."

"_I love you."_

"What ya say?"

Hughes sighed over the phone, _"I said I love ya man. Just wanted to say it."_

"Ya thanks. Thank you. That's awesome, that's fucking awesome." Hughes was quite, but Roy continued, "I mean uh, that's cool, you can say that."

Hughes sighed, _"Don't you have something to say?" _

Roy tapped his fingers on the desk. "No." Roy said simply. "I..I mean, I..I ah, I like you too. I like you too dude."

"_Whoa, like? Hahaha, oohh man! I'm glad I fucking did this test on you, the friendship test."_

"What?"

"_No man."_

"What are you talking about?"

"_What..what happened before when I said I loved ya was a test. Because man I could of made a total ass of myself if I hadn't done this test on ya. Woo hoo!" _

"Wait you don't…"

"_Boy.."_

"You don't, you don't really love me?"

"_Dude, listen. You fucking passed the test, ok, but barely. You know what you got?"_

"What did I get?"

"_An F+." _Roy slams the phone down on the hook.

"I swear one day I'll kill that man."

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lol..what did ya think? please review! 


	7. Alchemy 101

**Alchemy 101**

**_Ed and Al do some alchemy_**

**_

* * *

_**

Winry was suspicious. She hadn't seen Ed or Al for the last two days, and she just knew that they were up to something. Probably something sneaky or fun. And without her! She pouted briefly at this before setting off to find them, armed only with a comprehensive knowledge of their favorite hiding places.

They were in the second place she looked, covered with chalk dust, and giggling.

This was not unusual, they were both good-natured, healthy boys. They laughed and played a lot, and giggled. But this time they were lying down and giggling. And there was a weird smell. An empty pitcher lay nearby, the inside stained purple.

"There you are!" Winry said, putting her hands on her hips. "What are you doing?"

"Alchemy," Ed said, and hiccupped. Both he and Al seemed to find this desperately funny and curled up laughing.

"Are you making me another doll?" Winry brightened. She liked the first one, and wouldn't mind a matching set.

"Nah... shu... suh... second less'n, 'rganic 'mutata... mutatos... thing," Al stuttered. He burped and turned a shade of pale green, "Nii-chan... I feel sick."

"Have you been eating the grapes before they're ripe again?" Winry asked, trying to be helpful. She walked over and sat down near them. Ed laughed harder than ever at her question, and even Al giggled some more before moaning.

"Hey, Win'! Love Win!" Ed managed to slur when he stopped laughing. "Al! Al! Isn't Win' our best frien'?"

"Yes nii-chan," Al hiccupped obediently. "Love Winry."

"Love Winry!" Ed yelled defiantly. "LOVE WINRY!"

The two boys staggered over to Winry, who was quite enchanted at this display of affection, and hugged her tightly.

Years later, Winry still remembered the moment fondly. She wasn't quite so fond of the moment after it, in which both boys proceeded to stagger away and throw up, but she decided that it was all worth it in the end. For she would ALWAYS treasure the memory of watching them attempt to become one with the floor when she'd finished regaling their colleagues in the military with this story on one of her visits.

End


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